How to deal with staring eyes

Sure, everyone has hang ups about their appearance. We think we’re too big or small, or our clothes and hair don’t look right. But the topic seems to be magnified for those who have a disability, especially those recently injured. They become self-conscious because their body is now totally different than before their injury. They have either lost or gained weight, and they are not yet secure in the way they look in a wheelchair. Plus, going out is not as simple as it once was. They must now take extra precautions – like making sure their leg bag is empty and that there is enough juice in their wheelchair battery. They find themselves unable to go to the mall or grocery store without people staring and children pointing. This is one of the top reasons why people with disabilities stay at home, refusing to get involved in community and social activities.

This is a common theme for those with disabilities. The sheer thought of having so many people staring at them makes them hesitate to go out and enjoy life. And believe me, people do stare! But those with disabilities need to understand that most people stare because they are curious. They want to learn, so they watch how you get out of your car or van, they watch how you drive your wheelchair, they watch how you get in and out of buildings, and most of all they watch to see how you maneuver around difficult obstacles. To tell you the truth, a majority of the population is clueless about the life of a person with a disability. People live their lives unaware of different aspects of life, and I have to admit I was guilty of the same thing. Before my accident almost 10 years ago, I rarely paid attention to those in wheelchairs. And if I did see someone disabled, it didn’t cross my mind to wonder what happened or how are they doing now. I was too busy concentrating on my life and what I wanted to accomplish in the future. That’s why it doesn’t bother me when people are staring at me. My spinal cord injury opened my eyes to the lives of others.

But that wasn’t always the case. The woman I mentioned earlier asked me how I was able deal with people staring. It wasn’t easy for me to go out in public at first because, like her, I was still self-conscious about my appearance. But I told her that for me it was a three-step process:

1. Face it, you’re disabled – yes, you are in a wheelchair and people are going to look and treat you differently. But this doesn’t mean you have to act differently or give up on your appearance. Continue to act and dress the way you did before your injury. Keep yourself groomed and pick out clothing you find appealing.

2. People are going to stare – it’s just human nature. We are all curious about things that are different. What I have found that helps is greeting people with a smile and saying hello. And if you find an adult or child that is really looking at you for a long time, just do what I do. Go up to them, introduce yourself, and answer any questions they may have. This particularly works well with small children who are pointing and asking their parents, “What happened to him?”

3. Keep going out – the best way to overcome this problem is by facing it. If you continue to go out, you eventually will become comfortable with being in public places. Now you will never get used to people staring at you, but you will become more confident in your appearance and begin to ignore the stare of others.

You know, there are so many other important parts of being disabled to worry about like your health, getting proper medication, having adequate attendant care, etc. Life is too short for you to let the actions of others keep you from doing the things you enjoy. So get out and go to the movies, concerts, and shopping. Don’t let the stares of others prevent you from being an active member of society.